Have you found yourself moving from one relationship to the next, hoping this time you’ll finally find your person — only to watch it unravel again?

You try so hard to make it work. You listen, you communicate, you give your best… yet somehow you never feel deeply seen or valued.

After a few rounds of this, it starts to feel like a pattern — one you can’t quite name or escape. You want to love and be loved, but something keeps slipping through your fingers.

Maybe you've heard advice about what it takes to have a loving relationship...

The Advice You’ve Probably Heard

• Develop better communication skills.
• Love yourself first before anyone else can truly love you.
• You have to find the "right person".
• Just keep working at it - relationships take work.

While there is truth in each of those statements, perhaps there's something deeper and more fundamentally human here at play here.

That something is attunement.

What Attunement Really Means

Humans are like instruments. If you're playing the flute and I'm playing the violin we need to play in tune with each other to create harmony.

It's an act of both playing a sound and listening for the others' sound. If we are both playing and both listening, we can find the notes which combine together to create something that sounds beautiful.

Have you had that experience with a person where everything just seemed to click? You're vibing off each other, you feel like the other person really "gets" you and you feel intimately connected - at least for that moment in time.

This is what it's like to be attuned and resonating with someone. It's alive and exhilarating and it feels deeply rejuvenating.

The Hidden Skill We’re All Born With

I believe that this is a powerful and innate part of being human. This ability we have as social animals to be able to connect with each other.

Imagine what it would be like to create this type of connection with your partner consciously. What would that do to your sense of intimacy, connection and trust? Do you think that if this was normal, you would feel more valued, cared-for and loved?

My experience tells me that resonance is a skill that can be nurtured. And the amazing thing is - it's NATURAL to us. We are wired for this type of connection. It's normal and it's not even a matter of learning anything. It's more about putting down the things that are getting in the way of it.

How Resonance Begins

First, simply having the intention to do so.

I used to consider myself a socially awkward person. I thought I wasn't cut out for connection with humans. So when I first started "trying to resonate" with people, I thought it was going to be a difficult and long path of learning some obscure skills that more socially savvy people had.

I was wrong. Within the first moments of just having the intention to do this, I realised that I already knew a lot about it. The resonance began to build immediately. It was built somewhere into my DNA. And it's built into your DNA too. This is human stuff that I'm talking about.

The second part is the art of presence.

Presence is about noticing what is here right now and being with that. It's the absence of needing to change something, fight it or run away from it.

A Resonant Moment at the beach

I met a man the other day at the beach. He was about 60, nearly toothless and extraordinarily enthusiastic. He loved to smile and laugh in close proximity to my face. At first I noticed myself being a bit overwhelmed by his large energy. I recoiled. But as I got present and accepted what was right there, I began to soften. I began to find my groove with this man.

Can you notice what it would be like to just see things as they are, without having to attach any meaning or judgement, any push or pull to the experience.

I could have interpreted this man as obnoxious, or wild or a bit unhinged. But I could also just see it simply as this moment unfolding in front of me. When I did, i started to feel the delight that this man was evidently feeling. I began to come into resonance with him and we shared an enriching experience together.

An Invitation to Practice

My invitation to you is to practice this with people. It can be with anyone, anywhere.

Notice yourself and your inner experience. Notice what is coming up for you as this person stands in front of you. Notice any stories you might tell yourself about them, or about yourself. Just let it all be there.

And underneath it all, hold the quiet intention: “I want to be in tune with this person.”

Can you see how relating in this way would positively impact the connections in your life?

Once presence, attunement and resonance is in place, everything else — communication, love, trust — naturally begins to fall into place.

Remembering What Love Really Is

Attunement isn’t a technique. It’s a remembering — of something ancient, human, and endlessly alive in you. When you slow down enough to feel it, love begins to sound different. It’s less about effort, more about listening. Less about finding the one, more about being one — with yourself, and with whoever stands before you.