Do you ever get stuck in the same pattern, repeating yourself over and over, but not being able to escape from it? Maybe it's the same fight you get into with your partner. Maybe it's feelings of anxiety. Maybe it's a sore neck.

I would like to share a metaphor which I believe can shed some light on this cycle.

My work is about process. I see a vast woven tapestry with thousands of interconnected threads.

My first step is to in the beauty and complexity of the whole tapestry. Then I get a sense, somewhere in my gut, that there are knotted areas. Places that, if untangled, could make the whole tapestry even more harmonious and beautiful.

I don't know how to untangle them, but I can feel there's some kind of constriction. Only through curious and specific observation does it become obvious how the knot wants to "unravel".

If I tug too tightly on one thread, it tightens the whole knot again. It's precision work.

If I rush, I lose the thread. The knot remains.

If I forget the whole while looking at the part, I lose the meaning and cannot progress.

It's a delicate art that honours the process.

How I move through is as important as the outcome itself.

But when the knot is un-done, the whole tapestry takes on a different look. It's more harmonious. More connected. It knows itself better.

This is what practices like Feldenkrais or relational awareness work are about — learning to move through life with sensitivity to process, rather than control of outcome.

Practices that honour the process as much as the outcome. Practices that honour relationship and connection.

If you give yourself the gift of practicing something over and over again with your focus on the quality of how you do it, as opposed to "getting the outcome you want". It will change your life.

Forever.

I work in seemingly unrelated fields. I help people with chronic pain and people who want to improve their relationship with their loved ones.

But underneath the hood, it's the same process.

We look at the tapestry, we work with the knots we find and we practice moving with presence, relationship, ease and honesty.

Perhaps you've noticed these knots in yourself before. A stumbling block in your intimate relationship? A parenting struggle? A sore back that just won't respond to what you're doing.

You probably also have a default response to these knots. Maybe you try to stretch your back. Maybe you feel yourself get angry with your kid and then berate yourself later for being too aggressive? Maybe you close off to your partner and pull back until it's passed over.

What if there was a different way of approaching these knots? What if instead of tugging on them desperately, trying to make them disappear, you looked at them patiently and gently. What if your intent was to understand? What if you committed to honouring the WAY that you work with your knot?

You know those values that you admire the most about yourself when things are going well? Maybe it's care, or love, or nurturing. Curiosity, respect or humour.

What might it be like to bring some of these values - your highest values - to the way that you work with your knots?

Next time you notice a knot — in your body, or your relationship — pause. Breathe. Feel it. Then ask yourself: what would it look like to meet this knot while honouring the process?

I’d love to hear what you discover.